Now gather round children and you shall hear a tale of long ago. A time of yesteryear when monstrous teachers and evil books infested the land . When swirling mists of cloudy deceptions enveloped the minds of simple children and ancient evolving Man boldly strode the paths of imagination, only to vanish instantly without a trace to never be seen again!
In my early youth I liked public school. I liked all of it. I even liked religious-evolution indoctrination. It was fun. My brain swelled with it.
I liked Piltdown Man. Piltdown Man was my friend. I could spell Piltdown Man correctly for test purposes. After religious-evolution indoctrination we would have a test, or at least some time that week. Always on the test was this question, “Write down 3 extinct races of Man which we studied. They must be spelled correctly for full credit. (3 points)”. For some reason, I never understood why, during indoctrination the teacher always capitalized Man. If I capitalized it on other subject papers I lost points. If I didn’t capitalize it answering evolution questions I lost points.
The correct answer to the test question was: (1) Peking Man; (2) Neanderthal Man; (3) Piltdown Man. I could never spell Neanderthal correctly and always lost 1 point, but I could always spell Piltdown Man correctly and gained back the 1 point.
I liked Piltdown Man. Piltdown Man was my friend. Piltdown Man saved my test grade. I had evening dreamy pleasantries of finding the last living Piltdown Man in the crawl space under the house. I would ask dream Mom, “Can I keep my Piltdown Man as a pet”? And dream Mom always said, “ Yes, my dear sweet precious son”. I would name my pet Piltdown Man “Fred”. I liked the name “Fred”. I would play checkers with Fred and I would always win. Piltdown Man was a toughie as we learned during religious-evolution indoctrination. My pet Piltdown Man, Fred, would beat up the mean kid down the street for me. Fred would protect me from the other mean kid, who would sic his biting dog on me for fun. Fred would become the toughest dog on the Block!
In my public school class we all moved on to a higher grade. We had brand new books. The books contain religious-evolution indoctrination chapters of course, and in there was Peking Man and so was nasty old Neanderthal Man, but…… I scanned the pages rapidly for my friend Piltdown Man. He wasn’t there anymore! I was severely distraught and raised my hand and asked the teacher, “What about Piltdown Man”? A look of anger enveloped her reddening visage and with unsuppressed rage she marched me to the Principals office for disrupting the class.
The previous semester Piltdown Man was happily cavorting throughout our textbook, turning cartwheels and winking at me. Now he had vanished and had gotten me sent to the Principals office to boot. What had Piltdown Man done???? I asked a adult male that evening if he knew about Piltdown Man’s indiscretion. I was told that there was current information on the News about him. 50 years earlier something had happened within the seething fevered brains of the primary Apostles of Evolution. Today people had found evidence that Piltdown Man never had existed!! That these deranged (but well intentioned) Apostles of religious-evolution had simply concocted out of bits and pieces of whatever was lying about, a pious fraud. An aid to build the faith of evolutionary neophytes. This pious fraud they had named Piltdown Man!
I was devastated! This revelation made my psyche revolt, severly damaged. It was Societies agent, the public school, that had done it. It was Societies fault! Through compulsory evolution indoctrination they had deceived me about the existence of Piltdown Man. The result, 1 point lost on all future tests and my completely and irreparably damaged psyche! Piltdown Man as a formerly living sub-human was now not only extinct, he was a never was. To mention the name of Piltdown Man now in class was verboten. Book publshers and teachers got taken by Evolutionist con men! No reminders of books and teachers teaching fraud! Mere mention of Fred would invoke wrath from the Disciples of evolution and teachers of Evolutionary Law. My tottering damaged psyche was forcing me to contemplate a life of crime. I would stick up gas stations. My damaged altered genetics would compel me to become the New Clyde Barrow who would someday find his Bonnie, but was predestined by evolution to die with my Bonnie in a Model B Ford V8 in a hail of machine gun bullets.
How could they do this to me and Fred???
I became an Evolution Apostate. I was no longer a zippity-do-dah evolutionist, but a corrupter of others evolving down the joyous paths of “scientific” evolution. I asked in class to see a real dead Neanderthal or at least a camera picture of one to prove he had ever been. Back to the Principals office. Maybe somebody could tell me where he was buried so I could go out there and read his tombstone, “Here lies Neanderthal Man who was tough to spell and deserved extinction for it”. Back to the Principals office. I received continuous reprimands during religious-evolution indoctrination. I was recalcitrant. In my dreams I would shoot gas station owners who always resembled my teachers.
Thus I remain. An enemy and traitor of “True Science”. A corrupter of young evolutionary neophytes.
I, the dregs of the not yet extinct sub-humans. A liver of a degenerate life of none-crime, but still , just me, my unclaimed Bonnie and Fred against the world.
P.S. I am saving up for a Model B Ford V8. Any charitable contributions?
