Oh dem Golden Years!!!
Joke # 1
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems. He went to the doctor and got a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%.
He went back to the doctor a month later for a check-up. The doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
Joke # 2
An elderly couple were both having trouble remembering things. Their doctor told them to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up and asks, “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” His wife replies, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
“Sure.”
“I’d like some strawberries on it too. – Maybe you should write it down so you won’t forget.”
“Well I can remember that. You want some ice cream with strawberries.”
She adds another after thought. “I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you will forget that, so write it down.”
Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it!! Good grief!!!”
He toddles off to the kitchen and about 15 minutes later he returns and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment – looks up at him and says, “Wheres my toast?”
Joke # 3
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, “Windy isn’t it?”
Second one says, “No it’s Thursday!”
Third one says, “So am I, lets go get a beer.”
Joke #4
A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It works perfectly!”
“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
Joke #5
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw him walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
Morris replied, “Just doing what you said Doc – ‘Get a hot mama and be cheerful’, just like you said.”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur, be careful!”
