Dis heah is Monday, October 6,2008 n Po Willie is recoverin. Sundays is de day ya gots ta be extra Theologically careful. Keep yo nose in yo Bible in de evenins n don’t look up, n ah didn’t do dat yesterday, Sunday. It all happend dis way.
It wuz Sunday evenin n ah quits Bloggin n desides ta go fo an evenin drive. While drivin past dis Pizza Joint wut sells de Pizza’s ta go ah suddenly realizes sumpin. De po lil ol Pizza-Boys in dis place is lonely n feels socially rejected bein compelled by a mixture a poverty n greed ta work on Sunday evenin. Der ain’t no Pizza-Men in de place, just Pizza-Boys. Ya kin spot em easy n hear em too. Dey is kinda runty tall. Der voice goes frum Colouraturo Soprano to Basso Profundo wid no stops in between. Dey is Pizza-Boys decked out wid white cotton uniforms makin n sellin Pizzas ovah de countah.
Havin a Christian compassion dis Sunday fo de socially rejected (ah bein an ABC News social rejected commentator on de Internet News ma self), ah stops n pulls inta de parkin place a dis Pizza Joint wid no intent whutsoevah a buyin inny Pizza. Just stoppin ta socialize is all. Bring cheer ta youths. Ah goes inter de place n says hello to de socially rejected Pizza-Boy behind de countah. “Jes stoppin ta look bout sum. How ya doin dis evenin?” Well de Pizza-Boy don’t answer cuz out comes a second Pizza-Boy wid a brand new batch a Pizza’s, cheese n peperonee n all hot wid half-cooked Pizza dough in em. Dey smells good. Folks comes in snappin up dem Pizza’s n throwin down de Federal Reserve Notes like drunkin sailors on a spree. A site ta behold. Der is one Pizza left on de countah. De Pizza-Boy walks away ta gits mo. Suddenly de Pizza-box lid pops open exposin dis heah Evil Pizza. Ah stares dumbfounded at dis Pizza. Its alive!! Yas Suh, n den ah hears de voice from de Evil Pizza, “Eat me Willie! Eat me!”. It’s Belzeebub in de Pizza!!! He is speakin ta me! Ah hurls off de Belzeebub voice battlin all de way, but de Old Adam in me hears it n responds. Ma thinkin reasonin Bible knowin brain is gettin pushed aside by de OLd Adam. Actually it was de Old Adam’s Appetite dat was doin de pushin. Ah is astounded agin by de Belzeebub Pizza voice sayin “Eat me Willie!” as ah watches ma arms reachin fo de Satanic Pizza box, snappin de lid closed, pullin out me money sack, payin fo dis Pizza to de pizza-Boy. Den me Old Adam Appetite seizes a jug 7-Up n pays fo dat too. Ah is carried to ma pickup truck. Old Adam Appetite drives to a dark town park n parks under a tree wud hardly evah see de light a day.
It was pure Appetite. Wild barbaric Pizza gobblin n gorgin, slugged down wid fresh 7-Up frum de jug. Suddenly ah looks down at an empty Pizza-box sprinkled wid Pizza scraps wid a empty 7-Up jug in him. Ah has consumed de Evil Pizza n Belzeebub too!! Belzeebub n de Evil Pizza is both angry now n lets me tummy know it. Old Adam bails-out n leaves me wid de Angry Belzeebub Pizza ta deal wid. De Pizza dough wus half-cooked. Now in de firey furnance a Satanic Anger dis Pizza-dough begins risin n out-gassin fast as it rises n gits biggah aided by bubbly CO2 frum de 7-Up. Ah begins ta vent de Pizza-gas. Lotsa it in bursts. It gits so bad ah figures dat if ah had gone skinny dippin in de Pacific Ocean ah could make four knots wid no kickin or arm strokin. Just put-put-putin along at a good clip, throwin out a nice bow wave n leavin a mess a dead fish in ma wake.
Ah goes home n knows Belzeebub a de Pizza has got me inter his domain dis eve. Sleeps a bit n picks up speed in de rocket boat derby, wakin up when ah does. Finally early mornin de Evil Pizza dough quits, CO2 is expended in de 7-Up agitations, n ah gits sum sleep. Not much tho. Heah ah is a survivor ta warns ya bout de Debil. Not only does de Debil walk about like a roarin lion seekin whom he might devour, he kin also maskerade as an Angry goodlookin Evil Pizza n gets ya ta devour him. Dats ma warnin frum experience. Heed it.
