How ta make Worthless Bankrupt Paper Money have Puchasin Power using de French Atheist Method

De followin is a long un but couldn’t see no way ta shortin him, so since choppin it short would ha messed up de logic n reason a de ting heah tis de way it wuz written.

Dis is a historical writin piece bout de French Currency a 1789 n afta.  Dats de time a de French Atheist Revolution.  De Age a Reason dey calls it, which means ya kin be sure it ain’t innywhur near dat.  Innyway de French Atheists went in big fo deficit spendin, real real big.   Well de debt got huge n sos de Revolutionary Constituent Assemblysays, “Say lets pay off dis heah debt wid paper money.  We gonna call deese things Assignats cuz we is French n don’t know how ta spell Federal Reserve Note yet”, n dats wut dey done.  (De French is kinda ignorant bout spellin, always throws in extra-silent vowels n stuff inter der words just ta confuse de readers inter thinkin they knows wut they is doin).  So, having grabbed all de Church lands in de country (dats all de Christian denominations land wid no exemptions) n all de Crown lands too just ta keep things fair, dey issues in December a 1789 400 million Livres (dats French pounds) a paper printed Assignats bearing 5% interest just ta make de takers of em happy.  Paper Assignats wuz made “legal tender”, payable fo all debts Public n Private by Law in April a 1790.  Dis made em print a monstrous amount mo a dem cute paper Assignats widout de interest bearin part, since ya wuz supposed to follow de Law wut de Lawless Atheists had passed  fo de rest a de Lawless population.  Even tho it wuz Law dat ya could pay debts (like buyin stuff) wid em no body wanted em by 1793.  Dey wuz worthless.  Frenchman say to anothah Frenchman (in French), “Ah ain’t taken dat worthless bankrupt paper Assignat fo dis heah good milkcow”!  Dats de way it wuz all ovah France.  Nobody taken dem no-account worthless Assignats fo buyin anythin.  Paper Assignats couldn’t even buy paper.  Not taken em fo debts owned.  Not taken em fo rent payments.  Nuthin wuz wut ya could buy wid dem cute paper Assignats. 

Now in France befo de Revolution dey used Gold fo money n if ya wuz an Aristecrat (one a de 400 a de day) n if ya gits convicted of a crime in Court de Court could order ya executed.  Aristecrats gits executed by havin der head chopped off by a National Headchoppin Specialist called de Headsman Executioner.  He had a choppin block, a good hefty axe suitable fo various necksizes mos likely ta appear in a work-task capacity befo him, n he had sum good sharpenin tools fo de axe.  He had ta go ta de town gym often ta keep his swingin arms in shape or he loose his job.  Aristecrats always tipped de Headsman big cuz he could dull up de axe blade if ya didn’t.  Instead a one swing a de axe he might need a dozen or so.  Also he might just miss de neck part of ya n take off de top a yo head.  Den he might do de cheese cutter method n work on back from de top a de head to de neck which he finally gits wid de one blow required.  Big tips wuz de order a de day, n de Aristecrats had de Gold ta do it wid.  So Aristecrats qualified fo Headchoppin whin gittin executed.

Po folks (non-Aristecrats) like Jean Lunchbox when dey gonna git executed haden’t innythin ta tip de Headsman wid.  He don’t want nuthin ta do wid em.  Dey wuz just dullin up de axe fo nuthin.  So de po folks gits executed by hangin thru de Guvmint services of de National Union a Hangmen (AFL-CIO ah tink).

All dats a fo de Glorious Revolution wut makes everybody equal except de Aristecrats whoms de Atheist French just kills wid wutevah is handy.  So ta show de folks a Paris how dey wuz now right up der wid de Pre-Revolution Aristecrats dey promises everybody dat when dey is gonna gits executed dey gonna gets beheaded.  Folks cheers ovah dis cuz dey always knowed dey wuz just as good as inny Aristecrat wut evah lost his head.  Well dis gonna put a real deep strain n sprain too inter de National Headchoppin Specialist since de Atheist Leaders a de Revolution operation has worked up big lists a folks dat is gonna qualify fo de new Rights a Man (Womans qualifies equal heah) in de Headchoppin Area.  Scientific Specialists is called inta Guvmint service ta remedy dis heah problem n dey comes up wid an amazin Automated Mechanical Head Chopper wut dey calls de Guillotine.  Dis puts de National Headchoppin Specialist outa work, but creates new jobs fo de amateur headchoppers (formerly unemployed) wut runs de Guillotine n cheers a joy is heard frum de French populace.  De headchoppin crises is solved. 

Lotsa folks is gettin physically shortened in de new public (all free) entertainment a headchoppin in de town squares usin dat absolutely amazin Scientific invention, de Guillotine.  De heads wuz handy too fo puttin on pikes fo guidin folks on de thoroughfares to de Guillotinin place.  Well de Atheist Leaders say. “We gots ta give worthless paper Assignats purchisin power agin sos we kin pay off Guvmint debt wid em n our personal stuff too”.  De Guillotine wuz de answer right der afore em.  Dey passed a Law dat innybody wut refused to accept an Assignat wuz to be sent to de Guillotine ta gits acquanted in an Aristecratic way.  Purchisin power returned to de Assignats real quick.  De Guvmint prints mo a dem n Happy Days is heah agin  Assignats nevah hit par tho.  Got ta 1/3 face value a de Assignat since folks wuz acceptin em relunctant like.  No mattah how de headchoppin picked up 1/3 face wuz de top mark de Assignat gits.  Leaders gits outa personal debt, Guvmints doin fine n dey stops headchoppin fo not taken n Assignat.  De French Guvmint finally forced ta use Gold fo money.  Assignat finally hits 3,000 Livres a paper Assignats fo 1 Gold Franc.  In May 21, 1797 all outstandin Assignats wuz declared void fo payment on innything.  Dats de heyday a de Assignats.  Lots a dem is available taday on Ebay, mighty cheap in Federal Reserve Notes.  Sumday de Atheists in de Federal Guvmint gonna pick up on de old French Atheist method a stabilizin worthless bankrupt paper currency n den dey start headchoppin (or de modrin equivalent) fo not taken a Federal Reserve Note.  Atheists is like dat.

Below is sum paper Assignats a 1790’s scanned (no printin on de back side ta save costs):

10 Cent Assignat

25 Cent Assignat

5 Livres (5 French Pounds) Assignat